The Day After Tomorrow:
A not-so-in-depth review of a pointlessly in-depth film.
I knew this film had potential, which is why I went to see it. I was hoping for no sappy love stories, like they stick in every film to entice shallow dick head's to watch it. That hope was, as I'd predicted, dashed. Hollywood can't help themselves. Besides, women wouldn't understand anything if a film didn't involve a love story and they had to ease the science out of the way to make extra revenue on the new young male stars in it. Ditzy teens will no doubt crave after them. I don't know their names. They probably do.
The films starts off with researchers drilling holes through an ice shelf. Cue dopey yet kindhearted young American: "huh, wha? But...huh wha?" as the whole ice shelf breaks off right beneath the hole he'd drilled. Obvious choice action hero Dennis Quaid (???) saves everyone (except one irrelevant bloke who falls down a big deep gap) and equipment with a Lara Croft-like leap across the gap. Nearly dies, but this film's starring Quaid, so he has to survive. Good effects on the ice cracking. A reasonable start for a typical end-of-the-world fare.
Cut to Quaid. Quaid is right about everything. All the time. His son is also right about everything. Also, all the time. Remember this. Quaid is ignored and ridiculed often by a cocky, ignorant "Mr President" for his scientific propaganda. Predictable. Then cut to Quaid's son (in the film, not in real life). A straight A student that get's an F because he is TOOKOOL4SKOOL or something, I don't think anybody cares apart from the writer. They're in different parts of the country - which is where 90% of the films plot materialises.
All the way through the film, the poor viewer is shot at with terrible teen sitcom style japes, trying to make light of what could have been a potentially depressing - not to mention, worrying film. Not funny in the slightest. It was like having Will Smith and the short shit who plays Carlton from "Fresh Prince" come round and quirkily tell you that your wife and child have just been sawn to pieces by a Strangeways escapee. Or probably a Cumbrian - they're fucking weird.
It's a film about the destruction of half the world. If you're going to be funny, do it properly. Personally, I think with all the irrelevant attempts of poignancy and comedy, they could've solved all this effort and cost with;
Jeremy Beadle - complete with his infamous gammy hand.
Infact, why not have him brandishing a videotape too? It'd be funnier than some Sweet Valley High extra trying to be cool and funny at the same time; "I'm president of the math club, the science club and the technology club, if there's a bigger geek in here then someone tell me" or something. How could it go wrong with Beadle? It makes no sense at all yet it would be just as meaningful as a boring Dawson's Creek style love scene in front of a fireplace of burning tax books. Doe-eyed youngsters wittering on about their favourite "vacation" - Fucking stupid, not to mention...NOTHING to do with what this film is supposed to be about.
Wolves running about trying to eat people attempting to perform medicine on someone with septicemia? A ship floating through New York with said medicine inside it? An ill child that a woman has to save when millions of other people are dying anyway? Yep, this film has all of these and more random pointless scenario's crammed in to fill time.
Next, Los Angeles is virtually destroyed by a lot of tornado's. Again, decent effects but the poor acting and attempted comedy gets in the way. Then New York gets completely fucked over by a tidal wave followed by an ice storm. Great effects make it look as intimidating as a tidal wave could be, I suppose. Few survivors take refuge inside a big library.
Finally, there's the bumsex liberal morals. The obnoxious, arsehead, snappy, self-righteous American president continuously makes erroneous judgments throughout the film yet in the end he makes some stupid statement about what once was the "Third World" is now opening their borders to everyone else with open arms. Clearly trying to state we should stop complaining about immigration now, or the weather will destroy the richest cities only. "We were wrong, I was wrong" he states. Terrible.
Special Effects: Enough.
Science: Minimal.
Death: Reasonable.
Wanky teen love scenes: Many.
Wankier teen "funny" attempts: Many.
Stupid moral-of-the-story scenes: Too many.
Overall: Shite. Go watch your cat fuck a rabbit instead. It costs less.