ALL OF YOUR HOBBIES AREN'T BELONG TO ME
This page is about things that are shit (by law of
important opinion) but people insist on pestering me about taking an interest in
or bombard me with.
I
really couldn't give a shit about:
1. CRICKET.
From what started as a;
"Nah, I'm not really into that, mate. I'm a football fan" which prompted the "just watch it, England are doing really well...."
with the rebuttal, "No" ensuing a "...but it's a traditional English game and the Australians are pissed off that we're winning"
which finally ends on a similar note to "FUCK OFF WITH YOUR SHITTY CRICKET AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!".
I have tried watching it after many assiduous claims that it is brilliant and I came to a conclusion. There's the same two teams playing for what seems like 3 months and "we" seem to have won about 57 times. And it's STILL going on as I type this. I'm all for patriotism and agree Australians can be obnoxiously arrogant but cricket is a dragged-out, tedious rigmarole that only about 6 countries, worldwide care about. I'm sure half of them are third world, too. Can't we just beat them with hammers instead? That's at least three times easier and a hell of a lot fucking funnier.
Cricket's like baseball with uglier
bats and face paint. Utter shite.
2. EBAY.
No, I don't want ugly, scuffed shoes that you can only buy in Taiwan. No, I don't want a ridiculous spray-on tattoo of Ray Houghton for only 40p (minus postage) and no, I really do not care that someone has a rating of twenty billion stars, falsely insinuating that they're trustworthy when it's clear that it's all been forged;
It's one big cunting con. Plus, I know someone who deliberately irritates other users by winning bids, refusing to pay and childishly taunting them over messages on there. (No. It's not me; cheeky cunt). PayPal also take larger-than-necessary slices of your profits, too and EBay occasionally sneak on some random charges throughout the year. Finally, if you do have any problems with EBay, (which most of the people I've spoken to that use it have had) then you are pretty much fucked. It's all dealt with on email in a HA-HA-WE'VE-FUCKED-YOU sort of way so you don't have much chance of rectifying the issue.
What about the "40 million people
can't be wrong" - bullshit?
http://www.oreillynet.com/pub/wlg/7079
http://www.cavemonkey50.com/2004/05/ebay-sucks
http://www.chrisruzin.net/index.php/entry/ebay_sucks_ass/
etc.
If you like EBay, get bent.
3. LORD OF THE RINGS.
I just don't care, fuck off with that shit.
4. MSN MESSENGER EMOTICONS.
If I am using MSN and you wish to ask me something or attempt to have a conversation about an issue less trite than your deplorable existence, then please consider the following:
Considered yet? Then consider the type of shit I have to decipher once you're actually on my contact list:
.
Cut it out, retards.
5. QUENTIN TARANTINO.
Kill Bill - cartoon-like shit written with the mindset of a nine year old with chronic ADHD. Plot = Disgustingly anorexic/bulimic actress with stupid name flies about pretending to kick people.
Kill Bill 2:- Even longer. Even skinnier. Even duller.
Reservoir Dogs:- daft characters, irritating quotes (that fucking tiny violin one) and retarded overuse of violence that becomes a tedious chore to watch after a bit. As opposed to shocking the viewer.
From Dusk 'til Dawn:- Absolutely dreadful throughout.
To be fair though, Pulp Fiction isn't a bad film and I've not seen Jackie Brown.
6. BUYMEAFERRARI.CO.UK.
Ok, so nobody has forced me to go onto this website and donate anything or even read it through yet after coming across it, I couldn't help but include it on here. This fortunate little fuckwit has made hundreds of pounds already. If he DOES reach the amount to buy a Ferrari, I hope he drives it into a tree at 80mph, at least. That would be funny, eh?
However, Instead of letting this wind me up, I've come to a conclusion of my own:
If you would be so kind as to drop a few quids in
here, I can save up for a
Challenger 2 battle tank which is quoted at a
cost of £2.2 billion, so get donating quickly. Once I have my tank, I'm
going to run over that cheeky little cunt's face with my tank and post the
pictures on Wikipedia. Preferably while he's still in his Ferrari.
That would be funny, eh?