The Shithead Shack
Welcome to the Shithead Shack. In here you will find a collection of messages I have been receiving over the past months, maybe years (depending on how long I continue to update it) from literal wankers who cannot comprehend a simple joke.
You may or may not be familiar with Faceparty.com. I believe I've mentioned on here about a year ago, I'm not willing to check my inaccuracy. Don't email me about that. For those of you who don't know about it, Faceparty is an online gallery of people looking for dates and whatever else. Sorry, that's a crappy description. I'll just steal theirs instead - "Welcome to the Biggest Party on Earth™. Faceparty is the most advanced on-line community in the world. We're more than a website - to thousands we're a way of life. Learn more about us." Anyway, for a laugh, experiment, sheer cynicism or whatever you'd prefer to label it, I created a spoof profile to poke fun at some of the blatantly fake profiles that spawn on their servers in an attempt to rinse chronic masturbators of their Pound Sterling. The spoof profile can be found here. *Update (7/11/05) easily_faked account banned and idiot_trap opened in place. Update (30/01/06) idiot_trap account banned and blatantly_fake opened in place.
Ok, have we all had a quick look? Good. Anyone who doesn't
understand has probably got their cock in one hand, keyboard in the other and is
typing sleazy lines to
idiot_trap as the rest of you read on.
They have misunderstood the point of this article and will more than likely end
up on here. It's a profile called
idiot_trap.
How
obvious can you possibly get?
Although I have been getting messages like these since the beginning, I'll start with posting some of the latest ones. Enjoy. My comments are in white:
http://www.faceparty.com/huddini says...
HIAZ UR WELL GUJUZ U MAY NOT LIKE ME BUT ITS WORTH A TRY CAN I HAV UR MSN BABE
THANK TAKE CARE XXX PS SOZ BOUT CAPS
You dress, talk and look like a complete and utter twat-end.
http://www.faceparty.com/huddini says...
ur fukin mum u nob cheese look at ur fukin cocoa been head
HAHAHAHAHA! God. You are definitely on for a career of some sort.
But really though. What kind of dick would let you use the Internet? You possess
the wit and intellect equal to a Russ Abbott wannabe with Downs' Syndrome.
http://www.faceparty.com/huddini says...
look at u ur fukin shet get u shot down in ur town ur man will fill the round my
fren sed ur fukin ugly
all i wanted is too say i but no mizz posh thinks shes nang my sis will cut u up
u slag
What the fuck is wrong with you, fuckwit? THREE responses and you still don't get it?
bigigoe
says...
u are realy pretty do u want to speak to a 16 yhera old fi scotland wit a big
cock up for a laugh
Your life is one big cock up. Worth a laugh.
http://www.faceparty.com/sailorboymike says...
hi there you look like you love the cock do you fancy taking mine all the way to
the balls and then suck your sweet pussy juices off it, till i jizz all over
your face.
I hope your mother reads this.
http://www.faceparty.com/n13lha
says...
sorry to be rude and message you, just saw your pic and thought you were
stunning and very intresting, so i thought id message you
if you would like to chat pls message me bak
or n13lha@hotmail.com
Why are you topless? Get bent, fucko.
http://www.faceparty.com/realness1 says...
dont worry i aint no perv like 99% of people on here! I can attract women!!
Anyway if u wanna get to know me more as i do you get in touch!!
Take care & stay cutexx
This one actually read the profile beforehand unless his statement about 99% perverts was a coincidence. He still didn't understand. Wheel him off Eastbourne, parents.
http://www.faceparty.com/wetnwildmel says...
my brother keeps gold fish in his trasister radio , still bet u cant get da red
fire engines without rubbing edam cheese on there bonnets , well this aint red
car racing and FUCK ME THIS BEER TASTE"S BRILLIANT!!
That isn't beer. It's brake fluid. Either that or you're Cumbrian.
http://www.faceparty.com/7705065 says...
how ar u doing Name ia Mattas from Gambai I wanna be frienf with u if u like it
Join the queue behind the rest of your money-grabbing Gambian national twats. Gambian #7705064 already sent this.
http://www.faceparty.com/7705065
says...
how ar u doing Name ia Mattas from Gambai I wanna be frienf with u if u like it
Because you're sure we'll have so much in common, right?
http://www.faceparty.com/gymcoach says...
HI THERE MY NAME IS JOE IM A GYM INSTRUCTOR / FOOTBALL COACH FROM NORTH LONDON.
DONT BE PUT OFF BY MY PICS OR WHAT MY PROFILE SAYS AS IM NEWLY FREE AND SINGLE
AGAIN. ID LOVE TO HEAR BACK FROM YOU AS I THINK YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS X X
NOBODY CARES.
http://www.faceparty.com/apoderos says...
wild, crazy, everyting, anything,all night sex
Cretin, shitehawk, fuckwit, life-long bellend.
http://www.faceparty.com/smhylc says...
let's do sex on webcam huh?
And how does that work then, stud? Tell you what, you do sex on webcam, HUH? And I'll butcher your parents on my webcam for bringing a retard to my attention.
http://www.faceparty.com/assbuster says...
hey love, do you wanna have some fun....holla bk sweety..?
Yes, I'm really sure there's a lot of people crying out to be "assbusted". You dick.
http://www.faceparty.com/bukaki_umpire says...
Hey there!
I was looking through the profiles and saw yours - I had to write to you! You
look amazing, but I bet you have heard all the compliments before...well, one
more will be ok - so how about 'your god damn gorgeous!'. Write back if you like
my profile...
Neb xx
You don't know the half of it. What kind of a shitty name is "Neb", by the way?
http://www.faceparty.com/bi-lisa says...
hi hun would u like to chat on MSN?
if you do then please add me to msn its natalie457@hotmail.com
Nat
No but I'm sure hundreds of other idiots who fall for your bullshit would.
http://www.faceparty.com/fazz_fazz says...
wow what a babe hows it going check me out if u got time u might like
If only real life Grammar Nazis gassed people.
http://www.faceparty.com/tucan says...
i will love to see u on cam i have one to if want to see me
Topless retard #1,207 calling.
http://www.faceparty.com/dj_dante says...
hey girlie how you doin...?
its dante here you new lovable friend.
dont worry im not here to try and chat u up (not saying i wouldnt) but im just
here to mak new friends (no strings) so msg me bk and say hi...
you can also msn me: info@djdante.net
chat soon xxx
I am glad you're not here to chat me up. You look like a stunned rapist.
http://www.faceparty.com/dingo2005 says...
ello gurlie ur a right honey fancy a chat msg me
Another fucking imbecile with a cap placed higher than his IQ. Fucking read it properly, you cunt. Which consequently led to....
http://www.faceparty.com/dingo2005
says...
whoops oh yeah sorry im a thick f u c k no need to be rude tho tut tut
http://www.faceparty.com/sandra_hammel
says...
hhummm that is a nice pic :< pitty the rest are adult ones and i am to innocent
to see them :P msg back if your about
xx Sandra
Hummmm...are you really a 57 year old male bank clerk with pictures of naked children on your laptop?
http://www.faceparty.com/shockgizee says...
do u do anal bitch?
Bitch? Take a look at this geeks pictures. Epitome of bitch. Looks like he'd take the sticky end of a prison meat surprise.
http://www.faceparty.com/monade2005 says...
A True friend is someone who is there for you when you're in trouble or when you
need a shoulder to cry on.A True friend is someone who sticks up for you when
someone runs you down.A true friend is someone who likes you for who you are and
not judging your looks or background or where you came from. A true friend is
someone like you.Thank you for being a true friend ,,, Monad
Yeah. Thanks for that, Monad.
http://www.faceparty.com/jezz11aa
says...
u r sooo sexy
And you're "sooo" a fucking moron.
http://www.faceparty.com/kkxtreme_28
says...
hi i fink ur fit
Batfink think you're a Penk.
http://www.faceparty.com/smithyboybach says...
looking sexy in the pics .. have u got msn ?? if u have add me on
playdude18@hotmail.com
What exactly could some topless simpleton offer to any conversation, then?
http://www.faceparty.com/02lee says...
hey.
ive been lukin at ur profile and i think ur really prity.
i wud luv 2 chat wi u sumtime.
add me 2 msn if u want
bigleetighe01@hotmail.com
wats ur addy?
Lee xxxx
Look at the state of that cap. Anyone who wears a cap like that can't piss into a toilet properly.
Glutton for punishment? Spend your wages on my alcoholism, then: