Lies:

1.  F.C.U.K. t-shirts bare hilarious slogans.              

2.  Peter Andre is talented.                                   

3.  "I'm just big boned".                                         

4.  Michael Jackson only fucks his monkey.       

5.  Jessica Simpson isn't thicker than June Sarpong's lips.

6.  Australian fashion is up to date.   Ask Boyd.                 

7.  Dancing isn't gay at all.                                                    

8.  Real lesbians are attractive.                                            

9.  George Best comes home before Last Orders.              

10.  Piers Morgan isn't in the dole queue.                             

The fantastic title page?

You've gotta get outta this place.