You've Got Mail!
We've all met stupid people during our day to day journeys through this miserable existence. Some you meet in the workplace, some you live with or nearby and some may even be what you'd consider your friends. There isn't anyone that hasn't met someone more retarded than themselves, or so they seem. Stupid people are everywhere and the strange key to success lies with these stupid people. That's right, stupid people prosper. They don't realise how, but it just tends to happen. Anyway, enough of that, here's today's burning issue.
Forward emails.
It takes a certain type of person to be a mediocre, do-good, simple and brainless shitehawk. These people are the type that attend Top Of The Pops shows or the Big Brother eviction nights and applaud everything. These people wear F.C.U.K. branded t-shirts and ring up local radio stations to get a shout out for their equally useless, shitbag friends. They also download the current top 40 songs to keep up to date with all the audible effluent the chart's storing up for them. This comes after stating their life's true love is music, on a dating site they've set up. "Just as a laugh" though, when really, they're actually craving for old men to cling-film their printed out pictures and go about making a mess on them.
They have websites set up on Geocities with 58 pages of different angles of a
hamster they've named "Becks". These people go through life faking being happy
about everything and do not stop smiling when really they would stab themselves
in the face with a rake if they could only realise how much of a complete tool
they really are. They watch Trisha. They use tacky smiley faces in
text messages and emails. While all of these aspects of their lives are so
painfully irritating, there can be only one attribute these measly showers of
shite possess. A crime I see fit to be worthy of the death penalty. That
is their ability to send emails. Not just emails but those fucking
horrible fwd: emails that spread all over the Internet like Chlamydia round a
Bolton council estate.
So you're thinking "I get this shit all the time too! Tell me, Stan, how do I go about stopping this?"
I'm afraid the chances of stopping retards sending you forward emails are slim to snappable. However, I've devised a plan to annoy the shit out of anyone who constantly bombards my account with shit such as Simpson's Porn or tired, Photoshopped™ graphics of G. W. Bush in hilarious attire.
I now pose to you C.A.F.E. The campaign against forward emails. Below is an animation. Simply download it and attach it to a replying email to a forward-sending twunt. Link all of the friends they know and sent to also and send. It might be a bit of effort on your part, but they'll all receive this "Stop sending me shit email forwards or I'll throw knives at your family's throats" message. Attach it as many times as you can to shit on their bandwidth, if you like. Annoy the annoying.
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