Dude, here's my car.  Look at it.  Please?

 

"I go driving in my car, it's not quite a Jaguar".  It is in fact, a council estate status symbol.  It's a shitmobile with alloy wheels, wanker stickers (No Fear), a cunt in a white cap driving it, a sound system worth more than the car booming obnoxiously and pointless under-car neon lights so you know that there's a complete cunt about at night.  Not that the wide exhaust and attempted macho revving wont indicate this as it is though.  Custom gear sticks, two hundred and seven brake lights and blacked out windows so RnB girl can pull of two undesirable "Townies" at once for half a pack of Mayfair and go unseen.  A bit like she's skiing if you picture it.

 

 

Night time:  McDonalds, PC World, Megabowl™, cinema, stadium.  Got a big car park?  They're on it.  Aimlessly driving round in circles and wheel-spinning to moisten RnB girl's scabby, oft-used and abused flaps while Sean Paul warbles away on a Kenwood. 

Daytime:  Town centres and round the council estate blocks.  Since all money usually goes on cigarettes and fake Burberry, they use their remaining £3.52 as petrol money to propel them round the estates and past high school's eighteen times a day.

 

 

Here's the confusing part.  Vauxhall Novas.  Nissan Micras.  Renault Clios.  Shit cars people try to...I don't know?   Try to make them look...good?  These are fucking ugly cars.  If you can't afford any better than these, then fine.  Don't waste hundreds of pounds trying to make some 1 litre jalopy shit-cart look like something off 2Fast2Furious because it just won’t work.  Use the money to buy a better car.  It makes sense, right?  Besides, that film is a complete jug of spunk anyway and I don't even need to see it to tell you that.  I bet you liked it, didn't you?  Turd.

 

    

Here's what these cocks should be driving.  A souped up Master Bastard XZ Fire Burn Death Turbo - 75 litre injection ball-bag mobile©.  Born to be wild.

 

Be quiet and drive far away.